Poem: Naked on the Stairs

I’m sitting on the stairs


Tweezers in my hand

Waiting to make her laugh –

I knew she’d understand.

What surprise

In her eyes!

Not even underwear!

But she’s completely unaware

She doesn’t come

Which isn’t fun

And now my bum

Is numb.


You see

As I grow older

My hairs get far bolder

Since with advancing years

They sprout right out my ears!!!


You thought this poem would be scarier?

There is nothing scarier

Than an

Old man

Getting hairier!


Poem: Sleep In, In Summer

I’d love to sleep in,

Lazily in Summer,

But with the windows open

It can be a bit of a bummer…

The neighbour’s motorbike,

At 8 o’clock,

Revved 14 times

Before he’s off.

Like sheep, I counted every one

That really wasn’t all that much fun.


Each door in turn of another’s car,

slammed to check,

In case of what?

Flippin’ heck!


And then the sparrows

“Tweet, tweet, tweet…”

I think I’ll get up

And abandon sleep!


Don’t they know

It’s my day off

I wish they’d all just…